Diagnosis: Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter Life Crisis (n): Typically occurs post college and is a time period where your way of thinking changes. You realize you are now an adult and you are supposed to make something of yourself. You become extremely overwhelmed, indecisive, and filled with doubts. 


Example: Does waking up at 6 a.m. to get dressed every morning in your "yo-pro" uniform that says "I'm going to be a boss" wear you down? Or how about sitting in traffic for an hour, in your stuffy outfit, in the car you're still paying off? All of this, just to get to your entry-level job that you'll hopefully excel at in order to pay for the clothes, the car, and the shoe-box apartment you're never in. And once again, this agonizing routine continues when you finally leave the office around 9 p.m. just to go to sleep and do it all over again. If you're asking yourself "what's the point?" you might be experiencing a quarter life crisis. 

Symptoms: Symptoms may vary based on the person. 

  1. Depression. You'll never admit you're depressed or feeling depressed... but you are.
  2. Frustration. You've become an angry, violent, puberty-ridden human being mad at life.
  3. Out of Place. Where do I belong? What am I doing? What is life?
  4. Being told what you should do and feeling trapped. How many times are your parents going to tell you what to do before you actually bang your head against the wall?
  5. Feeling like life is a lie. Thanks for nothing, Dean's List. 
  6. You feel like your twenties are over even though they just started. 
  7. Anti-Social.  You've started to detach from friends and family due to the amount of stress you're feeling.
    1. Q. Do you wanna go out for drinks?
    2. A. Netflix. 
  8. Fear of Failure. Feeling as though you've or you are failing. Feeling as though the only answer is failure. Whether it be at a friendship, job, or relationship.
  9. Personal Appearance Retrograde: Instead of waking up and putting in the effort to look like a real person you just don't care. 
  10. Lack of Confidence. At work and in life, you don't feel up to par. Remember that presentation you bullshitted in college and got an A+ on? 
  11. Indecisive: Hi my name is ______ and I am indecisive. You are indecisive to the point where it is paralyzing you. You can't decide anything. Whether it's where to order food from or where to live. 
  12. Unable to find a decent job. You can spend all day and night searching and perfecting your cover letter but your not getting anything in return... except maybe a job offer in sales 100% commission. 
  13. Settling for a job that is just decent. Maybe you take the job because it's the only offer you've gotten in the past 2 months despite all your efforts... and you're not a fan and you have no passion to excel. 
  14. You hate your job. Maybe it pays great, maybe you have friends there, maybe you got promoted but you hate it and dread it so much that you hate waking up in the morning. 
  15. Not working at work. Instead of working at work you job search at work... all day. You could care less if you got fired. 
  16. You loathe everyone at your job who get's a promotion.
  17. Constantly comparing yourself to your friends. Cyber-stalking (aka Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn) all of your friends who are the same age as you just to see how you stack up. Well, let's face it... social media makes life look a lot prettier than it really is. 
  18. Comparing yourself to your parents. "Well at your age I had 10 job offers before I even graduated college, and I was engaged, and I built my own house, and I shat glitter."
  19. Buying an animal. You buy a cat or a dog just because. This cat or dog quickly becomes your life. It dominates your Snapchat, Facebook and you even created a Instagram account for it in hopes that your pet will bring you fame... even if it's just instafame.
  20. Wine. You've been drinking a lot of it. 
  21. Nostalgia: You feel increasingly nostalgic for your high school and/or college days.
  22. Laziness. You're lazy to the point that you no longer hit the gym regularly, grocery shopping and doing the laundry are now daunting tasks that you avoid at all costs. Why don't you just ask me to run a marathon in a blizzard while you're at it?!
  23. You're gaining or losing weight for no apparent reason. Oh you look so skinny... are you okay? Or... Maybe we shouldn't order pizza (because you look obese). Why don't you stress me out some more?!
  24. You're Poor. Oh... you don't have your dream job that pays 100K right out of college? Wait.. your parents cut you off and you can't afford your rent in that fabulous city?
  25. Having arguments with the people you love just for the sake of releasing some stress. Instead of going home happy as a clam and having a post-work cocktail to celebrate a long day, you start a Real Housewives of My Appt shout off with your roommate and/or sig. other.
  26. You despise happy, optimistic college students. You run into them at Starbucks all cheerful and giddy and you want to throw your steaming hot latte in their face. 
  27. You don't like where you live. You just don't... it's either too expensive, too overwhelming, too boring, too far away, or too close to your parents to like. 
  28. You're in a relationship. Is he the one I'm going to marry? Or am I just wasting my twenties being in a relationship that's not even the real deal? 
  29. You're single. Tinder, Match, Hinge, OKCupid... you've tried it all and you're still single and ready to become a crazy cat lady. 
  30. You're 99% sure that quitting your job and traveling the world is the answer to all of your problems.

Treatment: To be continued...