Whatever your story may be, it’s time to break up with the ghosts of boyfriends past. When relationships end we’re left with a mess. And that mess includes a lot of baggage.
Baggage can come in the form of stress - the stress and turmoil of never getting closure, the questions that were left unanswered, the grief of being cheated on, the loss of your significant other’s family who treated you as their own child.
It can also come in the form of literal, physical, baggage. The lease to the apartment that you shared. The first pet you bought together. The fugly poster he loved so much. The point is…the list of baggage is endless.
When a relationship ends, it hurts like hell. The pain is overwhelming and feels like a wound that won’t stop bleeding. Memories rush through your head with every song you hear, every mention of their name, every destination you traveled to together. It just seems impossible to move on and ignore these constant reminders.
The weight of the baggage makes you feel like it’s physically impossible to move on. You try your hardest to keep your chin up when in reality you feel like your heart has been shattered into a million pieces and you’re the only one left to clean it up.
As if the actual breakup didn’t hurt enough, dealing with the aftermath is even more challenging and time consuming. It’s a concerted physical effort. It’s work. The frustration, the hurt, the poor communication, the trust issues…these bad habits will stick with you if you don’t handle them appropriately. We get so caught up in the initial break up that we forget to address our feelings and allow ourselves time to grieve and most importantly heal.
As we all know, a very common way to mend a broken heart is by jumping into a new relationship. However, the hurt you neglected to deal with before will eventually catch up and you will end up hurting not only yourself, but your new bae.
Before you dive into a new relationship you need to focus on yourself. Are you really ready? Are you really over your ex? Are you still secretly holding onto the thought of getting back together? Are you still bitter and spiteful?
The bottom line is, if you’re still thinking about your ex you are not ready for a new relationship, and it’s not fair to hurt someone else during your healing process. If your head and heart are still stuck on your ex, then you’re not going to find your one true love. You are going to attract others who are broken and flawed because you are not yet the best version of yourself.
I had trust issues in my first serious relationship and I let it disrupt my next relationship. Consequently, I let my insecurities get the best of me, I questioned my own judgment, I made mistakes, and it was only a matter of time before that relationship dissolved.
I figured time would help me move forward but once again, I had baggage weighing me down like a ton of bricks. Luckily, I became aware of this phenomenon. I became conscious of the baggage I carried; the ghosts of my ex-boyfriends lingering in and out of each new relationship.
It took me a very long time to realize that the end of my long term relationship wasn’t my fault. Actually, it had very little to do with me at all. Some people just aren’t meant to be together, and that’s the scary thing about relationships. They either last forever or they end. And the end is never going to be pretty, let’s face it.
Pain can last for a very long time which is why it’s so hard to deal with. It takes time for memories to fade and scars to heal, but your painful past doesn’t have to define you forever. It takes effort to remain patient in the process. But, if you stick with it and keep trudging, you will eventually be able to leave the past in the past. The baggage of your ex will become less of a burden and more of a lesson.
Yes, being single is absolutely terrifying, especially after being in a serious relationship. But once you find yourself again, you will bounce back stronger than ever. And with this new mindset, you will attract the person you were always meant to be with. And his baggage will come in the form of a Louis Vuitton trunk.